Priceless!
-->Buying an inflatable doll
-->Customer walks into a sex shop asking for an inflatable doll...
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?
Customer says, "Female'
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."
Doing it doggie style
-->Two mates were having a beer and discussing their wives.
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked one.
"Well, in a way: I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
Golf groaner
-->Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
The lesbian cowboy
-->An old cowboy goes to a bar and orders a drink. As he sits sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?" He replies: "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
She replies: "I'm a lesbian, I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."
The two sit sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sits down the other side of the old cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?" He replies: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
The fishing trip
-->A man phones home from the office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. "We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns.
His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas."
"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box.
Because he can !
-->I actually recevied this as spam 
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog,sitting on the curb, licking his privates They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, "I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Priceless!
-->If you have the misfortune to be American, you will be acquainted with those credit card advertisement where someone buys three increasing expensive things in order to save his marriage/job/life and the cost of those items is given, but the marriage/job/life saving credit card with which be buys them is "priceless". Irrigating as they are (hmm, irritating advertisements ... isn't there a little redundancy there?), they have spawned some good parodies, one of the better of which I now present for your titillation ...(titter ye not!)...
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
A self-induced hangover - $100.00 Broken furniture - $200.00 Breakfast - $10.00 Saying the right thing - PRICELESS